Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Video Roundup

Alright, I got online to see there was a bunch of videos that surfaced today. I decided to share my thoughts on all of them....

First up, Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows." I love this song!



The first thing that you will notice is that this song is called "Bust Your Windows," but there are no windows being busted. It was brought to my attention that there is some legal mumbo jumbo that if you are going to show an act of vandalism that "extreme," you have to show the person who committed the act being punished in some way. So I will let that one slide...

But as for Jazmine--
I'm glad this girl is blowing up at radio, because that really balances out the fact that she is NOT a star, and she is not very attractive. Somebody needs to find her an image and a personality. She looks really awkward and uncomfortable in front of the camera. And that made ME feel awkward and uncomfortable watching her. I cringed when she was trying to look sexy in the video.

Overall, the video is really cheap and wack. It probably would be a lot better if there were less shots of Jazmine performing the song and more shots of the leading guy performing....something. He was stunning. Jazmine shouldn't have been trying to destroy any of his shit. She should have been on her knees thanking the sun gods that a man that beautiful would even acknowledge her existence, let alone be with her. These women are so ungrateful nowawadays. You can't have it all!!
==================================

Next on my list is Ciara's "Go Girl."
I hated this song at first, but it has really grown on me.


What really pains me is that I have NOTHING bad to say about this video. It is hot as hell. Ciara looks great. The visuals were lovely. It was just a perfect video. Probably the best of her career. And that says a lot, because I loved the video for "Promise" and was slightly turned on by her masculinity in it.

Speaking of masculinity, is it me, or did she kinda look like a tranny-bot on some of those scenes? She said she did 500 crunches a day up until it was time to shoot the video. Maybe I should try that. I want a stomach as ripped and manly as hers.

Ehh...I had to find SOMETHING mean to say. Fuck you Ciara. Making catchy songs and hot ass videos and shit. I still don't like your lesbian ass no more.
==================================
And finally on the list, "The Greatest" from Michelle Williams.


This is only a clip of a little over a minute of the video, but from what I saw, I already knew where it was going. The video looks SO CHEAP. Why the hell does it look like a commercial Nike would run during the Olympics mixed with a commercial for fabric softener?

I will say that she looks really good for Michelle Williams though. Points for her!

And just for my share of community service, I would like to remind everyone that Michelle's latest album, Unexpected, is in stores TODAY. I'm sure the millions of people who read my blog will also be out buying all her album off the shelves.

Now that I've finished with that, I will close this by saying, her album is...not that good. I don't get all the [internet] hype this girl is getting. She is clearly the child of destiny that should have been aborted. Shit, she was the child of destiny who only got a chance to be known because the other siblings weren't acting right. Somebody needs to lock her ass back up in the basement.

Don't get me wrong. I like Michelle. And I admire her humility and positive outlook on life. But she's kinda like the dog you've had for years who's on his last days... I just want to put her to sleep. Bless her heart.


Sunday, October 5, 2008

Prison: Where EVERY Night is Ladies Night.

Somebody IMed this to me yesterday and I was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard.

I think only about 7 people who know of Da Brat knows she is in prison for beating a bitch upside the head with a bottle in a club last year.

So apparently some random person posted on a message board about Brat and how she's doing in prison. Here is what they said:
I just want to let you know that Da Brat is loving prison so far. My [family member] is with her in [Metro State Prison] and the girls in there love her. She has about 3 or 4 girlfriends already and she hasn’t even been in there for a month. There are girls braiding her hair and giving her manicures and pedicures like shes in some kind of spa. The sad thing is that she’s probably getting more attention in prison than her lame [EXPLETIVE] would be getting outside. Oh and btw, my cousin says that Da Brat [allegedly] doesn’t like to [have oral sex performed on her] she just does it to other girls. Maybe that’s why she’s so popular.

I'm STILL rolling. LMFAO. If this is true, then it makes a lot of things clearer. So Brat is the top and Mariah is the bottom--well I guess that was always pretty clear. And I love that she is in touch with her feminine side--getting manis and pedis and shit. She probably feels right at home. I bet when she gets out [in 2011] she will murder Nick Cannon so she can secure her life sentence in butch bitch heaven.

I ♥ MARY J. BLIGE

She makes me smile. She is diva. She is love. She is LIFE. She's almost a notch above God for me. Praise Her!

This is the new commercial for Chevy's new crossover vehicle, the Traverse.




Aah, I love this woman.

I couldn't help but notice a few funny things about the commercial though. First of all the car is big enough to hold 8 people, so I love how Mary only acknowledged 6 of her 8 albums. She totally ignored Mary, which was praised by critics and hated by the fans of Hip Hop Soul Mary, and her 2003 reunion with Diddy, Love & Life, which was the biggest flop of her career. I guess she wants to pretend they never existed!

I also love how everyone seems to be annoyed with What's the 411? Mary. When she gets in the car, Breakthrough Mary is looking like, "Ugh, not this drunk bitch." And My Life Mary was looking like she was about to slap her for fucking up her high.

But I love the overall message of the commercial. It fit perfectly with the message of Mary J. Blige: Learn from the past, but don't live in it.


Did I mention I love this woman??

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Jennifer Hudson: I Don't Get It.

Okay...call me a hater, but I don't understand the fascination with Jennifer Hudson.

First, let me say I totally give the girl props. Everyone counted her out when she lost American Idol, but she's won damn near every award out there, she's starred in movies, and she has a hit single out.

But I just....don't....get it. Why is there all this hype about her? Yeah, she can sing, but she has like absolutely no control over her voice and when she performs it looks and sounds like she's trying to raise the dead.

And call it nitpicking, but she is tacky as hell. She has no sense of style at all. I've been watching her on TV lately, and it's like she has some kind of issue with wearing clothes that fit her properly. Her dresses are always like 5 sizes too small. I was talking to an associate about it and he's like "That whale needs to learn how to dress. If you can see where her girdle starts and stop AND her belly button through her dress, then her fat ass needs to go up a size or 10." I fell out.

She had this picture on her Myspace page a couple of months ago. I had to save it because I was THAT thrown off by it. It was captioned something like "Looking good and giving yall some style."

She has taken the picture off her profile since then... I guess she realized [or the label told her] she looked like she just broke out of Jellystone Park with a truck full of picnic baskets. Here is another picture that is no longer on her Myspace profile.



Serve it up, Huddy. As my girl Tyra would say, you are....

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEERCE. I'm scared of you!

And to cap off my total annoyance with Jennifer Hudson, it turns out her album is set to debut with over 200k copies sold. That's so ridiculous. We are in the middle of a recession. People would rather buy Jennifer's album than feed their kids and put gas in their cars?
Whatinthebluefuck?

The album isn't even that good. I'm afraid to listen to it all the way through because it's so boring that it'll put me to sleep, but she's screaming so loud on it I might wake up deaf. She knows her audience though. The gay queens seem to love her. But go figure--she's a fat black woman who won an Oscar for singing in a musical, and her album is full of over the top ballads and anthems about hitting people with pocketbooks. Of course the gays love her. She could sing the alphabet and it would turn into a tranny anthem.

And speaking of her song, "Pocketbook." We all know big Jenny ain't carrying no pocketbooks. That's like Aretha Franklin rocking a two piece--take your pick between swimsuit or a meal at KFC, either way they would not provide enough for all of the woman that Aretha is. Big Huddy's the type of chick who carry's those extra large bags so if she stops to get something to eat, she can pack extras in her bag without being noticed. The song should be called "Hefty Bag."



Okay, let me get off this girl. That's the end of my Jenny rant.

Monday, September 22, 2008

An Idea...

Earlier this summer I came up with the idea to write a book. This idea came after watching a rerun of Oprah where she talked about the experiences of the black gay male. Of course the show was centered around the typical "DL men having dirty disgusting butt sex with other dirt mcnasty men and spreading HIV to unsuspecting innocent black women."

Obviously I took issue with this because as a black gay male who doesn't "look" gay or wear my sexuality on my sleeve, shows like this pretty much put me in the category of the DL brotha. I've actually had people ask me why I "hide" my sexuality as if it's something I intentionally do. Bitch, I'm not wearing a "I like cock" sign on my forehead.

So I came up with the idea to write a book that gives a more realistic look at the black gay male experience...from what I've experienced. It's kind of a cautionary/tell-all/informational/educational/entertaining kind of thing. Think the gay version of Superhead without all the dick in the mouth action and no co/ghostwriter. I know plenty of guys who are in the same boat as myself. I know guys who fall into the stereotypical category of brothas as well. And it REALLY REALLY irks me the way black people act when it comes to homosexuality.

I'm really bad at procrastinating. I totally have the book outlined in my head, but I'm so bad about not writing anything down--as seen on this blog. And plus I'm kinda ignorant to the way the industry works with publishing and whatnot. I don't wanna get fucked in the ass by some company. Also, if my shit doesn't sell, I'm not ashamed to say I would be PISSED!!!!!!! I'm not letting all these golden thoughts go to waste. I want a best-seller list, dammit! And not one of those negro lists that can be found in the back of
Ebony magazine. I want NY TIMES, baby!

But I'm going to try to make this my mini project to work on and hopefully I can keep myself applied.

*crosses fingers*

brief hag update..

So...just a quick update on my hag "situation."

First of all... I'm like almost embarrassed to say she is my HAG. Most gay guys who have "hags" are like raging queens...at least in my mind. So for me to say that this girl has hagged her way into my life is slightly uncomfortable/embarrassing.

Her psycho roommate finally believes I'm gay so he doesn't want to beat me up anymore. But NOW he thinks that she is trying to "turn me straight" with her vagina power. Go figure.

Lately she's been going on and on telling me about how once we go our separate ways to follow whatever path our educations/careers take us that I MUST help her out with her wedding and come look after her children and all this craziness. She's nuts.

I luhh my hag tho!

oooh no updates. what a surprise!!!

i'm so lazy!! well...actually i've been slightly busy, but i have much to write about. so i'll update this...soon!

Thursday, September 11, 2008

....so I gots me a hag!

Alright, so I've been working this new job for a while and I've gotten to know a few of my coworkers. One in particular, who I've mentioned before--the Superhead lookalike--and I have been hanging out a lot lately. And as I've said, one night in random drunkenness I informed her that while she is beautiful, I did not want her to get the wrong impression about "us" because I had no interest in her because... I like the guys.

Ever since then we've been good buddies. But she's so funny. She's like totally fascinated with my sexuality and the way I present myself. She, like many, was under the impression that you had to be a feminine cross-dresser in size 14 pumps in order to be a homosexual. And if you didn't fit into that box, you must be one of the guys that Oprah has taught us to look out for--the DL brotha spreading AIDS to the black women. *sigh*

After she realized that I fell into neither of those categories, she's really been trying to figure me out. For some reason I think my gayness is a slight turn-on for her. Whatever the case is, we've been spending a ridiculous amount of time together since my coming out episode. Truth be told, we have a lot in common, and when she isn't talking about her favorite subject [herself], we have some pretty good discussions.

Because she is so pretty, she knows how to use her looks to her advantage. She easily manipulates the heterosexual male into doing whatever she wants. It's quite a sight to see. For the past few weeks she has been balancing about 4 guys. That number went down to 3 recently when one of her guy friends moved away to take a job where he will be making 92k a year (...shiiiiiiiiiiit. I started to do him myself.) The other 3 guys would be her roommate, who is like madly in love with her; her boyfriend, the only one of these guys she's actually having sex with; and this weird mulatto guy who just tricks off all his money on her and gets nothing in return. None of them know about each other! But they all know that we hang out so I think it's starting to raise suspicion in them.

So a couple of days ago when we got off work, we spend the rest of the day in random hag/fag bliss. First we hit up some new clothing store where she tried on clothes and I told her how bad she looked in all of it. Then went to her apartment where she showed me how psycho her roommate is. He apparently got upset because she wouldn't "talk" to him, so he broke his TV, and punched holes in the wall. Nutso. After that she decided we needed to go for a walk around the park because she had nobody to work out with.

We did that for a couple of hours, and as soon as we get ready to leave, we see her roommate driving by. He sees her with me and brings his car to a screeching halt. He backs up and nearly takes out a dog in the process.... After staring me down, my hag told him she was in the mood for Popeye's, so he told her he would get her some and he left us alone. We parted ways after I made a few WTF's about the whole thing. She says when she got home, her chicken was on her bed and he was nowhere to be found until he came home the next day...Now he thinks we are having sex. I told her to tell him I'm into guys, but he does not believe it because I "don't act like it."

The whole point in all of this is to say....WHY do we generalize EVERYTHING?!

9/11: Let Us Not Forget

Today marks the 7th anniversary of the tragedy we have come to know as 9/11. Let us not forget the millions of people who were affected by this disaster, and those who are still trying to recover and get their lives in order after this epic catastrophe.

Seven years ago today, one person completely changed the way we look at the world.


Seven years ago today, Mariah Carey, fresh off of a divorce with Tommy Motola and signing an $80 million contract with Virgin Records released a double dose of musical and cinema destruction with Glitter. Some of us are still dealing with the pain of those times.

Of course, this marked the beginning of the end (or so we thought) of Mariah's career, and music hasn't been the same since!

But somehow we must make it through the rain and not let the devastation of this time keep us down. Lets not dwell on the drama and negativity. No stress. No fights. We must leave all the drama behind and celebrate the good times!

And what is the best way to celebrate? Ice cream, of course. Let's look at rainbows and ride bicycles, and eat a gallon of cookies and cream!



THERAPY. ICE CREAM IS THERAPY!!!

And if you don't have any Ben and Jerry's around, just hop in the shower and sing about your heartache!



HAAAHT BREAKA YOU GOT THE BEST OF MEEEEEE!!!!

I love her declaration---"I'm a complete and total mess!" The statement was hilarious, but her tone was so depressing. I still feel bad for her.

But no matter how bad we feel for ourselves and Mariah, we can't let the hurt keep us from cuddling kitties and spreading sunshine and love throughout the land of unicorns and diamonds! Lets get drunk off rainbows and glitter!



And underneath all the stress and pressure, how do you handle the haters??????



...with POSITIVITY! YES!!

Happy 9/11, everybody!

Sunday, September 7, 2008

Shoulda Let It Go....

Well this Tuesday, Fashion Rocks will air on CBS. As usual, this show is all about fashion, but everybody who showed up looked a mess. I wasn't going to comment on it until I saw these pictures of Keyshia Cole.

She came showing off off her new slimmed up body (which kinda makes her look like a ghetto bobblehead doll), but she didn't quite have the red carpet poses down.

Observe:


Charlie's Angel of the Hood?


Just shot a game-winning three pointer?



Asking her pimp for money?
Serving a Big Mac and fries?
Teasing her mother with a crack rock?

Somebody help this poor baby out.


Wednesday, September 3, 2008

I think I may hate people...

  • Okay, because of the latest hurricane madness taking place in Louisiana, a lot of people from New Orleans have been flooding my city. And I am soooo ready for them all to leave. They are rude, loud, and obnoxious. And I hate the way they speak. UGH. It's like they don't know how to move their jaw and tongue or something. I felt bad for them the last time they were here, but this time they are just over the top. I don't wanna look out the window and see Mardi Gras in my front yard. GO AWAY.

  • So it's no secret that I'm slightly racist. But I think I've officially crossed over into complete racist. At my job, there are so many people who come in and either speak terrible English, or they don't speak it at all. It's gotten to the point where I roll my eyes and get really annoyed as soon as I see someone who may even look like they are of another nationality. It's bad.

  • In addition with New Orleaners, my city also seems to have a blooming lesbian population. I normally wouldn't care about it, but I swear these "women" are like straight up dudes. I'm afraid of them. I saw this person today and I looked at them for like 5 minutes trying to figure out if they were a really attractive dude, or a manly ass woman. It turned out to be the latter. I was hurt.

  • Speaking of, I also can't stand to see dudes who look like women. A couple of days ago me and a coworker went out and we saw this person and we both were trying to figure out if it was a really ugly woman or a really ugly gay man who looked and dressed like a woman. It turned out to be the latter. It's worst when the guy is actually attractive though. About a month ago this guy came in to where I work inquiring about a job. From a distance he was BEAUTIFUL (for a dude). But then when I got a closer look at him, the hair that I thought was in some kind of thuggish ponytail turned out to be microbraids. I was so let down. He was really pretty though.

  • I also hate white people with children. It's like they totally need to attend Funquisha's School for Parenting or something. I was out shopping for new movies recently, and there were these white parents with some BAD ASS kids. The boy's name was Jacob and the girl's name was Mary Katherine. I know this because I heard their names called about 50 times. They ran around the store knocking down movies off the shelves and running in the path of every person who attempted to make a step. I almost purposely knocked Mary Kat's ass over, but I was right by the security camera. But the highlight of this shopping experience came when Jacob--who had to be like at least 2 years old--walked to the front of the store and squats, and his mother follows and says "You better not be pooping in your diaper Jacob. Are you pooping?" And of course he says no. 3 minutes later the foulest smell entered my nose, and I dropped everything I had and left the store. That wouldn't have been the case with a black child...that's all I'm saying. Little JaCoby and Marikenia know better.
I guess it's no wonder I'm single and don't have too many people I consider real friends.... Oh well. Somebody out there will love me!
Brandy is back with the new video for her first single, "Right Here (Departed)" from her 5th album, Human.


First of all WTF is that growing out of her face?

The video is so...interesting. The first time I watched it I hated it (of course) but on the second viewing, I would go as far as saying it's almost...art! I have to give her record label major props. Ever since the single leaked, her label has really been in damage control mode in hopes of restoring B-Rocka's good girl image. This is the icing on the cake for me. A video of Brandy hugging random people on the street (and her new single just happens to be playing in the background). It's almost as genius as it is hilarious!!

In all seriousness though, if you watch this video without thinking about some of Brandy's recent publicized incidents then the video probably looks like a cheap clusterfuck of nothingness. But when taking into account she just got loads of press for causing someone's death in a traffic accident, it seems like the video is supposed to have some sort of deeper symbolic meeting, or at least I hope.

The scene where a woman is standing by an SUV crying was almost a bit too much, but it still made me laugh. Was she crying because she was afraid Brandy was on the road, or was she crying because of Brandy's past activities on the road? Either way, Brandy makes it all better with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. That's deep! I guess that was her way of apologizing for her part in the accident and kissing away that $50 million lawsuit the family of the victim filed against her.

Then there's like the main story in the video where she is talking to this guy on the street who looks sad [and unusually dusty] and he's just crying like a punk. My initial thought was "Why are you hugging this nigga? Tell him to man up and to stop acting like a queen and grow some nuts." But then I remembered that most of Brandy's fans are gay men, so they probably would take offense to that. So yes Brandy, hug the sissies!! Work that good PR, girl.

Really, I think the video is kinda sweet. The single has actually grown on me, so I'm now interested in hearing more from this project.

Does anyone else smell fish?

Has Ciara lost her damn mind? Check her out on the latest cover of VIBE Magazine.


WOW. I'm totally shocked.

First she came out declaring that her "goodies" were gonna stay in the jar (which I never believed in the first place), and now she's giving them out on a hot plate with tall a glass of blue Kool-Aid.

And in addition to that, the picture isn't even sexy. I think the reason they put her in heels is so she didn't TOTALLY look like a tranny in the shot. Her body is so pre-teen boyish. She has no breasts...and her arms are more defined than mine! But it's okay...cause shit, got more ass than her.

It's really sad that she is pulling the [blatant] sex me up card. It was kinda cute back when she seemed kinda slutty on the low, but this is too much. Not that I had much for her to begin with...but this takes away any kind of respect I did have for her. I am so disappointed.

There had been some recent stories from her camp that leaked saying she wanted to "be a supermodel" and that she is totally obsessed with how she looks and ranks next to stars like Beyonce. I had no problem believing those stories, but this really confirms it for me. Beyonce got em shook!!! They don't even know what to do with themselves.

This is the type of shit that makes me not want to support a person. I admit I like a lot of Ciara's songs, but this is the type of shit just makes me wanna slap-a-ho and drop her shit in the recycle bin (cause yall know I don't buy shit).

Funny enough... I just listened to her new single, "Go Girl" with T-Pain (which is actually kinda hot), and one of the lines in the songs says something about being a playboy bunny...go figure.

Sit down Ciara.

P.S.

I think I see your testicles hanging out.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

Don't Piss Off Damita

In the latest video blog from hip hop midget/mogul, Jermaine Dupri, he attempts to give the fans what they've been waiting for--details on Janet's tour! Yes, the tour that everyone has been waiting for from the artist that everyone cares about...



...but it looks like Janet ain't having that!

She's giving me Mariah Ca-razy diva attitude with the way she is standing under her perfect lighting and she refuses to turn around and be shot at a less than flattering angle.

Why is she getting mad like a white woman? Actually...she reminded me a lot of her brother in the video. So I guess that makes sense...

And why is LL Cool J her opening act? They should call this the Old People Who Need to Sit Their Sliced Up Faces Down tour.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

ohmygosh!

I like totally haven't been updating this... I have lots to say. I'll work on saying it. Promise.

Monday, August 25, 2008

better?

So I decided to make this thing look a little more attractive.... Hope it works! And I think I'm gonna start calling this the wtf diaries. Hip hop hooray.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

I don't know what to call this....

Oh my gosh. I'm never drinking again... Or at least not for a very long time.

So during work yesterday a coworker of mine and I decided that we would go for margaritas once we got off. She invited one of her male friends who planned on meeting us there. We get there and her friend's there, but the bar was packed. So me and my coworker ended up sitting at different sides of the bar. She sat next to her friend, and I sat next to some guys who I met at the bar the day before when I had a couple of drinks on my lunch break.

They see my coworker, who happens to be extremely beautiful, [she actually looks EXACTLY like Superhead, except she can't fit a 2 liter Sprite bottle in her mouth, and the walls of her vagina are still intact--I'm assuming] and they assume that we are "together" and that she was "playing me to be with a white boy." [Her friend is actually half black.] So I'm sitting at the bar listening to these grown men--Ceasar, 34 and Pat, 33--go on talking and telling me about how they like hitting the bars and getting young fresh pussy and whatnot. I was extremely uncomfortable with the discussion and just kinda laughed [and drank] my way through the conversation. They were actually nice looking dudes... I don't know where that fits in with the story. I just felt like saying that. I was sitting next to Ceasar and I began questioning how much "young fresh pussy" he was getting because the alcohol made him particularly
friendly. There's no need to continuously touch a dude's thigh and shit when you are speaking to him. HOWYOUDOOOING, Ceasar?!

Eventually my coworker and I started sending text messages across the bar and I briefed her on the committee of angry brothas who weren't digging her being so close with a man who appears to be of a different race. And just like I figured she would, she made a big dramatic scene and she and her friend started feeding each other. This made the angry brothas even more upset and my coworker's friend expressed his fear and asked me for my support in the event that they tried to jump him. Of course I resisted. No need in ALL of us getting our asses beat.

The night then got more entertaining as this older white guy comes to the bar with some of his old white guy friends. I paid him no mind at first, but he eventually began talking to Ceasar and Pat and his approach with them was...interesting to say the least. He started ordering drinks for them. And me being a man who will never miss an opportunity to get something free, I got in on the deal. I told this guy--Tony--that I was Ceasar and Pat's younger brother and the drinks quickly came to me. Then another black guy came in and Tony got HIM a drink. Then it hit me that this old man had a thing for young black guys.... So I milked that for all it was worth and got really friendly with him. The drinks kept flowing, and after some interesting conversation and a little too much touchy-feelyness for my liking I was druuuuuunk. I didn't even get a margarita, and that was the whole point of us going out in the first place! I thanked Tony for his generosity and let him know that I would be seeing him again soon.

I would just like to say that I was not in a gay club...

So my coworker and I eventually leave the bar and go riding around town where we had some very interesting conversation. For some reason, my drunk ass ended up telling her my life story and all kinds of shit that I can barely even remember now. I know I spent at least 10 minutes telling her how beautiful she is and how I've always been afraid to tell her because I didn't want her to think I was trying to hit on her... SMH. After riding for about an hour she dropped me off at my crib and then I started TEXTING her letting her know how much I love working with her and getting to know her. I capped it all off by randomly telling her that I am into guys......

OHMYGOSH.

I'm glad I couldn't see her face. Her response was "WOW, I never would have guessed." She was surprisingly cool about it. She's kinda crazy, so I hope I don't regret telling her that... Maybe I should have pointed out somewhere that she's about to be an AKA. I don't know how we got on the topic but I ended up telling her about the large percentage of Alphas at our school that grab their ankles on a regular basis, and I also helped her end the speculation about her roommate being a homosexual by confirming it for her. We had a text fest till about 4 in the morning. I am so embarrassed about it that I don't even want to go through my phone and see WTF I said to her. We saw each other day and just laughed about it.

So that's it. I am never drinking again--at least no more shots of Jack.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

A Hot Mess In Heels....

Ladies and gentlemen...I present to you "Sugar Daddy," the debut single from Pretty Ricky's new girl group, Butta Crèame. The group members are Butta Fly aka Hollywood, Butta Baby aka Bunz, Cocoa Butta aka Mocha, and Hot Butta aka Red.





I'm slightly embarrassed to say I kinda like the song. But I think I need to go get checked for chlamydia after watching the video. They look like the equally unsanitary female counterparts to Pretty Ricky. I did a little research on these girls and found out that they were actually discovered on BET's 106 and Park weekly Wild Out Wednesday competition. I was also shocked to see that they are some decent sounding girls. But I dunno. Something about their look is so...threatening. If I saw them on the street I wouldn't know whether they would be getting ready to rob me or solicit me for sex. Either way I would be afraid. Check out the girl singing a bit of "Who's Loving You" En Vogue-style. Not bad!


Thursday, August 21, 2008

He's In Debt, Bitches!!


He'en got no money in the bank... [yeah... I couldn't resist.] In this week's edition of Stuntin' Ass Rappers, we find that hit-making hip hop producer and rapper* Swizz Beats, along with his estranged wife, R&B singer* Mashonda have a tax lien to the tune of nearly $900k. Funny enough, just a couple of days ago Swizz was featured within the top 10 of Forbes' “Top 20 Richest Hip Hopreneurs” list with an income of about $17 million a year.

I don't think I'll ever understand why rich people don't like paying their taxes... It's like homeless people who turn down food....or people in wheelchairs with dirty shoes. It just makes no damn sense.


*PLEASE

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Cockle Doodle Don't


Now I love me some Keyshia Cole as much as the next kid from the projects... But really, babygirl needs a style upgrade. In her latest ad for Luster's Smooth Touch hair products, she rocking a cut that has her looking like a mix between a lipstick lesbian and a rooster. [Although I'm sure she doesn't know what a rooster is. Remember when she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur?]

And if the hair in the ad isn't bad enough, take a closer look at the boxes with Keyshia's face on them. She looks like an extra from an MC Hammer video. I guess Luster's is all about bringing back that ghetto classic Cali style that we've been missing for so long.

I'm on my way to get a jheri curl.

Ricky Martin is a Father!


Oh happy day. Latin pop diva, Ricky Martin, just became the father of two beautiful twin boys. If this is news to you, I'm sure you are thinking the same thing I first thought when I heard about it--since when is he able to get a lasting erection with women?! But I guess stranger things have happened...

However, everyone can sleep well knowing that the Puerto Rican heartthrob didn't have to bang any poor butch woman to conceive his children. He simply masturbated [to videos of gay manly man sex] and gave the contents left in the cup to a lovely surrogate. According to Ricky's reps, he now plans on spending the rest of the year taking care of his boys--it's not like he actually had a career to put on hold anyway.

Congrats to Ricky and his baby daddy.

The Introduction...

So.... for a while I've been talking about doing one of these things. And to my surprise a lot of people actually ask my why I never started one. And finally I was told by the most beautiful specimen I've ever encountered to do one... So, here it is folks. Now yall better read my shit! I'll try to update it as much as possible... But I must warn you, I got the lazy black man gene from my mother's sperm donor, and I don't know if I'll always be able to take on this new responsibility that I've created in a timely and appropriate manner...

Some people say I'm an opinionated asshole. I prefer critical life analyst. But whatever the case, whoever reads this can look forward to me talking shit about everything from entertainment to stuff that happens in everyday life...at least my life.

That is all.

Ugh.... And these template layouts are busted. I'll work on getting my on sexy blog look.