In the latest video blog from hip hop midget/mogul, Jermaine Dupri, he attempts to give the fans what they've been waiting for--details on Janet's tour! Yes, the tour that everyone has been waiting for from the artist that everyone cares about...
...but it looks like Janet ain't having that!
She's giving me Mariah Ca-razy diva attitude with the way she is standing under her perfect lighting and she refuses to turn around and be shot at a less than flattering angle.
Why is she getting mad like a white woman? Actually...she reminded me a lot of her brother in the video. So I guess that makes sense...
And why is LL Cool J her opening act? They should call this the Old People Who Need to Sit Their Sliced Up Faces Down tour.
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 30, 2008
ohmygosh!
I like totally haven't been updating this... I have lots to say. I'll work on saying it. Promise.
Monday, August 25, 2008
better?
So I decided to make this thing look a little more attractive.... Hope it works! And I think I'm gonna start calling this the wtf diaries. Hip hop hooray.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I don't know what to call this....
Oh my gosh. I'm never drinking again... Or at least not for a very long time.
So during work yesterday a coworker of mine and I decided that we would go for margaritas once we got off. She invited one of her male friends who planned on meeting us there. We get there and her friend's there, but the bar was packed. So me and my coworker ended up sitting at different sides of the bar. She sat next to her friend, and I sat next to some guys who I met at the bar the day before when I had a couple of drinks on my lunch break.
They see my coworker, who happens to be extremely beautiful, [she actually looks EXACTLY like Superhead, except she can't fit a 2 liter Sprite bottle in her mouth, and the walls of her vagina are still intact--I'm assuming] and they assume that we are "together" and that she was "playing me to be with a white boy." [Her friend is actually half black.] So I'm sitting at the bar listening to these grown men--Ceasar, 34 and Pat, 33--go on talking and telling me about how they like hitting the bars and getting young fresh pussy and whatnot. I was extremely uncomfortable with the discussion and just kinda laughed [and drank] my way through the conversation. They were actually nice looking dudes... I don't know where that fits in with the story. I just felt like saying that. I was sitting next to Ceasar and I began questioning how much "young fresh pussy" he was getting because the alcohol made him particularly friendly. There's no need to continuously touch a dude's thigh and shit when you are speaking to him. HOWYOUDOOOING, Ceasar?!
Eventually my coworker and I started sending text messages across the bar and I briefed her on the committee of angry brothas who weren't digging her being so close with a man who appears to be of a different race. And just like I figured she would, she made a big dramatic scene and she and her friend started feeding each other. This made the angry brothas even more upset and my coworker's friend expressed his fear and asked me for my support in the event that they tried to jump him. Of course I resisted. No need in ALL of us getting our asses beat.
The night then got more entertaining as this older white guy comes to the bar with some of his old white guy friends. I paid him no mind at first, but he eventually began talking to Ceasar and Pat and his approach with them was...interesting to say the least. He started ordering drinks for them. And me being a man who will never miss an opportunity to get something free, I got in on the deal. I told this guy--Tony--that I was Ceasar and Pat's younger brother and the drinks quickly came to me. Then another black guy came in and Tony got HIM a drink. Then it hit me that this old man had a thing for young black guys.... So I milked that for all it was worth and got really friendly with him. The drinks kept flowing, and after some interesting conversation and a little too much touchy-feelyness for my liking I was druuuuuunk. I didn't even get a margarita, and that was the whole point of us going out in the first place! I thanked Tony for his generosity and let him know that I would be seeing him again soon.
I would just like to say that I was not in a gay club...
So my coworker and I eventually leave the bar and go riding around town where we had some very interesting conversation. For some reason, my drunk ass ended up telling her my life story and all kinds of shit that I can barely even remember now. I know I spent at least 10 minutes telling her how beautiful she is and how I've always been afraid to tell her because I didn't want her to think I was trying to hit on her... SMH. After riding for about an hour she dropped me off at my crib and then I started TEXTING her letting her know how much I love working with her and getting to know her. I capped it all off by randomly telling her that I am into guys......
OHMYGOSH.
I'm glad I couldn't see her face. Her response was "WOW, I never would have guessed." She was surprisingly cool about it. She's kinda crazy, so I hope I don't regret telling her that... Maybe I should have pointed out somewhere that she's about to be an AKA. I don't know how we got on the topic but I ended up telling her about the large percentage of Alphas at our school that grab their ankles on a regular basis, and I also helped her end the speculation about her roommate being a homosexual by confirming it for her. We had a text fest till about 4 in the morning. I am so embarrassed about it that I don't even want to go through my phone and see WTF I said to her. We saw each other day and just laughed about it.
So that's it. I am never drinking again--at least no more shots of Jack.
So during work yesterday a coworker of mine and I decided that we would go for margaritas once we got off. She invited one of her male friends who planned on meeting us there. We get there and her friend's there, but the bar was packed. So me and my coworker ended up sitting at different sides of the bar. She sat next to her friend, and I sat next to some guys who I met at the bar the day before when I had a couple of drinks on my lunch break.
They see my coworker, who happens to be extremely beautiful, [she actually looks EXACTLY like Superhead, except she can't fit a 2 liter Sprite bottle in her mouth, and the walls of her vagina are still intact--I'm assuming] and they assume that we are "together" and that she was "playing me to be with a white boy." [Her friend is actually half black.] So I'm sitting at the bar listening to these grown men--Ceasar, 34 and Pat, 33--go on talking and telling me about how they like hitting the bars and getting young fresh pussy and whatnot. I was extremely uncomfortable with the discussion and just kinda laughed [and drank] my way through the conversation. They were actually nice looking dudes... I don't know where that fits in with the story. I just felt like saying that. I was sitting next to Ceasar and I began questioning how much "young fresh pussy" he was getting because the alcohol made him particularly friendly. There's no need to continuously touch a dude's thigh and shit when you are speaking to him. HOWYOUDOOOING, Ceasar?!
Eventually my coworker and I started sending text messages across the bar and I briefed her on the committee of angry brothas who weren't digging her being so close with a man who appears to be of a different race. And just like I figured she would, she made a big dramatic scene and she and her friend started feeding each other. This made the angry brothas even more upset and my coworker's friend expressed his fear and asked me for my support in the event that they tried to jump him. Of course I resisted. No need in ALL of us getting our asses beat.
The night then got more entertaining as this older white guy comes to the bar with some of his old white guy friends. I paid him no mind at first, but he eventually began talking to Ceasar and Pat and his approach with them was...interesting to say the least. He started ordering drinks for them. And me being a man who will never miss an opportunity to get something free, I got in on the deal. I told this guy--Tony--that I was Ceasar and Pat's younger brother and the drinks quickly came to me. Then another black guy came in and Tony got HIM a drink. Then it hit me that this old man had a thing for young black guys.... So I milked that for all it was worth and got really friendly with him. The drinks kept flowing, and after some interesting conversation and a little too much touchy-feelyness for my liking I was druuuuuunk. I didn't even get a margarita, and that was the whole point of us going out in the first place! I thanked Tony for his generosity and let him know that I would be seeing him again soon.
I would just like to say that I was not in a gay club...
So my coworker and I eventually leave the bar and go riding around town where we had some very interesting conversation. For some reason, my drunk ass ended up telling her my life story and all kinds of shit that I can barely even remember now. I know I spent at least 10 minutes telling her how beautiful she is and how I've always been afraid to tell her because I didn't want her to think I was trying to hit on her... SMH. After riding for about an hour she dropped me off at my crib and then I started TEXTING her letting her know how much I love working with her and getting to know her. I capped it all off by randomly telling her that I am into guys......
OHMYGOSH.
I'm glad I couldn't see her face. Her response was "WOW, I never would have guessed." She was surprisingly cool about it. She's kinda crazy, so I hope I don't regret telling her that... Maybe I should have pointed out somewhere that she's about to be an AKA. I don't know how we got on the topic but I ended up telling her about the large percentage of Alphas at our school that grab their ankles on a regular basis, and I also helped her end the speculation about her roommate being a homosexual by confirming it for her. We had a text fest till about 4 in the morning. I am so embarrassed about it that I don't even want to go through my phone and see WTF I said to her. We saw each other day and just laughed about it.
So that's it. I am never drinking again--at least no more shots of Jack.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
A Hot Mess In Heels....
Ladies and gentlemen...I present to you "Sugar Daddy," the debut single from Pretty Ricky's new girl group, Butta Crèame. The group members are Butta Fly aka Hollywood, Butta Baby aka Bunz, Cocoa Butta aka Mocha, and Hot Butta aka Red.
I'm slightly embarrassed to say I kinda like the song. But I think I need to go get checked for chlamydia after watching the video. They look like the equally unsanitary female counterparts to Pretty Ricky. I did a little research on these girls and found out that they were actually discovered on BET's 106 and Park weekly Wild Out Wednesday competition. I was also shocked to see that they are some decent sounding girls. But I dunno. Something about their look is so...threatening. If I saw them on the street I wouldn't know whether they would be getting ready to rob me or solicit me for sex. Either way I would be afraid. Check out the girl singing a bit of "Who's Loving You" En Vogue-style. Not bad!
I'm slightly embarrassed to say I kinda like the song. But I think I need to go get checked for chlamydia after watching the video. They look like the equally unsanitary female counterparts to Pretty Ricky. I did a little research on these girls and found out that they were actually discovered on BET's 106 and Park weekly Wild Out Wednesday competition. I was also shocked to see that they are some decent sounding girls. But I dunno. Something about their look is so...threatening. If I saw them on the street I wouldn't know whether they would be getting ready to rob me or solicit me for sex. Either way I would be afraid. Check out the girl singing a bit of "Who's Loving You" En Vogue-style. Not bad!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
He's In Debt, Bitches!!
He'en got no money in the bank... [yeah... I couldn't resist.] In this week's edition of Stuntin' Ass Rappers, we find that hit-making hip hop producer and rapper* Swizz Beats, along with his estranged wife, R&B singer* Mashonda have a tax lien to the tune of nearly $900k. Funny enough, just a couple of days ago Swizz was featured within the top 10 of Forbes' “Top 20 Richest Hip Hopreneurs” list with an income of about $17 million a year.
I don't think I'll ever understand why rich people don't like paying their taxes... It's like homeless people who turn down food....or people in wheelchairs with dirty shoes. It just makes no damn sense.
*PLEASE
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Cockle Doodle Don't
Now I love me some Keyshia Cole as much as the next kid from the projects... But really, babygirl needs a style upgrade. In her latest ad for Luster's Smooth Touch hair products, she rocking a cut that has her looking like a mix between a lipstick lesbian and a rooster. [Although I'm sure she doesn't know what a rooster is. Remember when she thought a thesaurus was a dinosaur?]
And if the hair in the ad isn't bad enough, take a closer look at the boxes with Keyshia's face on them. She looks like an extra from an MC Hammer video. I guess Luster's is all about bringing back that ghetto classic Cali style that we've been missing for so long.
I'm on my way to get a jheri curl.
Ricky Martin is a Father!
Oh happy day. Latin pop diva, Ricky Martin, just became the father of two beautiful twin boys. If this is news to you, I'm sure you are thinking the same thing I first thought when I heard about it--since when is he able to get a lasting erection with women?! But I guess stranger things have happened...
However, everyone can sleep well knowing that the Puerto Rican heartthrob didn't have to bang any poor butch woman to conceive his children. He simply masturbated [to videos of gay manly man sex] and gave the contents left in the cup to a lovely surrogate. According to Ricky's reps, he now plans on spending the rest of the year taking care of his boys--it's not like he actually had a career to put on hold anyway.
Congrats to Ricky and his baby daddy.
The Introduction...
So.... for a while I've been talking about doing one of these things. And to my surprise a lot of people actually ask my why I never started one. And finally I was told by the most beautiful specimen I've ever encountered to do one... So, here it is folks. Now yall better read my shit! I'll try to update it as much as possible... But I must warn you, I got the lazy black man gene from my mother's sperm donor, and I don't know if I'll always be able to take on this new responsibility that I've created in a timely and appropriate manner...
Some people say I'm an opinionated asshole. I prefer critical life analyst. But whatever the case, whoever reads this can look forward to me talking shit about everything from entertainment to stuff that happens in everyday life...at least my life.
That is all.
Ugh.... And these template layouts are busted. I'll work on getting my on sexy blog look.
Some people say I'm an opinionated asshole. I prefer critical life analyst. But whatever the case, whoever reads this can look forward to me talking shit about everything from entertainment to stuff that happens in everyday life...at least my life.
That is all.
Ugh.... And these template layouts are busted. I'll work on getting my on sexy blog look.
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