Video Roundup

Alright, I got online to see there was a bunch of videos that surfaced today. I decided to share my thoughts on all of them....

First up, Jazmine Sullivan's "Bust Your Windows." I love this song!



The first thing that you will notice is that this song is called "Bust Your Windows," but there are no windows being busted. It was brought to my attention that there is some legal mumbo jumbo that if you are going to show an act of vandalism that "extreme," you have to show the person who committed the act being punished in some way. So I will let that one slide...

But as for Jazmine--I'm glad this girl is blowing up at radio, because that really balances out the fact that she is NOT a star, and she is not very attractive. Somebody needs to find her an image and a personality. She looks really awkward and uncomfortable in front of the camera. And that made ME feel awkward and uncomfortable watching her. I cringed when she was trying to look sexy in the video.

Overall, the video is really cheap and wack. It probably would be a lot better if there were less shots of Jazmine performing the song and more shots of the leading guy performing....something. He was stunning. Jazmine shouldn't have been trying to destroy any of his shit. She should have been on her knees thanking the sun gods that a man that beautiful would even acknowledge her existence, let alone be with her. These women are so ungrateful nowawadays. You can't have it all!!
==================================

Next on my list is Ciara's "Go Girl."
I hated this song at first, but it has really grown on me.


What really pains me is that I have NOTHING bad to say about this video. It is hot as hell. Ciara looks great. The visuals were lovely. It was just a perfect video. Probably the best of her career. And that says a lot, because I loved the video for "Promise" and was slightly turned on by her masculinity in it.

Speaking of masculinity, is it me, or did she kinda look like a tranny-bot on some of those scenes? She said she did 500 crunches a day up until it was time to shoot the video. Maybe I should try that. I want a stomach as ripped and manly as hers.

Ehh...I had to find SOMETHING mean to say. Fuck you Ciara. Making catchy songs and hot ass videos and shit. I still don't like your lesbian ass no more.
==================================
And finally on the list, "The Greatest" from Michelle Williams.


This is only a clip of a little over a minute of the video, but from what I saw, I already knew where it was going. The video looks SO CHEAP. Why the hell does it look like a commercial Nike would run during the Olympics mixed with a commercial for fabric softener?

I will say that she looks really good for Michelle Williams though. Points for her!

And just for my share of community service, I would like to remind everyone that Michelle's latest album, Unexpected, is in stores TODAY. I'm sure the millions of people who read my blog will also be out buying all her album off the shelves.

Now that I've finished with that, I will close this by saying, her album is...not that good. I don't get all the [internet] hype this girl is getting. She is clearly the child of destiny that should have been aborted. Shit, she was the child of destiny who only got a chance to be known because the other siblings weren't acting right. Somebody needs to lock her ass back up in the basement.

Don't get me wrong. I like Michelle. And I admire her humility and positive outlook on life. But she's kinda like the dog you've had for years who's on his last days... I just want to put her to sleep. Bless her heart.

Prison: Where EVERY Night is Ladies Night.

Somebody IMed this to me yesterday and I was on the verge of tears from laughing so hard.

I think only about 7 people who know of Da Brat knows she is in prison for beating a bitch upside the head with a bottle in a club last year.

So apparently some random person posted on a message board about Brat and how she's doing in prison. Here is what they said:

I just want to let you know that Da Brat is loving prison so far. My [family member] is with her in [Metro State Prison] and the girls in there love her. She has about 3 or 4 girlfriends already and she hasn’t even been in there for a month. There are girls braiding her hair and giving her manicures and pedicures like shes in some kind of spa. The sad thing is that she’s probably getting more attention in prison than her lame [EXPLETIVE] would be getting outside. Oh and btw, my cousin says that Da Brat [allegedly] doesn’t like to [have oral sex performed on her] she just does it to other girls. Maybe that’s why she’s so popular.

I'm STILL rolling. LMFAO. If this is true, then it makes a lot of things clearer. So Brat is the top and Mariah is the bottom--well I guess that was always pretty clear. And I love that she is in touch with her feminine side--getting manis and pedis and shit. She probably feels right at home. I bet when she gets out [in 2011] she will murder Nick Cannon so she can secure her life sentence in butch bitch heaven.

I ♥ MARY J. BLIGE

She makes me smile. She is diva. She is love. She is LIFE. She's almost a notch above God for me. Praise Her!

This is the new commercial for Chevy's new crossover vehicle, the Traverse.




Aah, I love this woman.

I couldn't help but notice a few funny things about the commercial though. First of all the car is big enough to hold 8 people, so I love how Mary only acknowledged 6 of her 8 albums. She totally ignored Mary, which was praised by critics and hated by the fans of Hip Hop Soul Mary, and her 2003 reunion with Diddy, Love & Life, which was the biggest flop of her career. I guess she wants to pretend they never existed!

I also love how everyone seems to be annoyed with What's the 411? Mary. When she gets in the car, Breakthrough Mary is looking like, "Ugh, not this drunk bitch." And My Life Mary was looking like she was about to slap her for fucking up her high.

But I love the overall message of the commercial. It fit perfectly with the message of Mary J. Blige: Learn from the past, but don't live in it.


Did I mention I love this woman??

Jennifer Hudson: I Don't Get It.

Okay...call me a hater, but I don't understand the fascination with Jennifer Hudson.

First, let me say I totally give the girl props. Everyone counted her out when she lost American Idol, but she's won damn near every award out there, she's starred in movies, and she has a hit single out.

But I just....don't....get it. Why is there all this hype about her? Yeah, she can sing, but she has like absolutely no control over her voice and when she performs it looks and sounds like she's trying to raise the dead.

And call it nitpicking, but she is tacky as hell. She has no sense of style at all. I've been watching her on TV lately, and it's like she has some kind of issue with wearing clothes that fit her properly. Her dresses are always like 5 sizes too small. I was talking to an associate about it and he's like "That whale needs to learn how to dress. If you can see where her girdle starts and stop AND her belly button through her dress, then her fat ass needs to go up a size or 10." I fell out.

She had this picture on her Myspace page a couple of months ago. I had to save it because I was THAT thrown off by it. It was captioned something like "Looking good and giving yall some style."

She has taken the picture off her profile since then... I guess she realized [or the label told her] she looked like she just broke out of Jellystone Park with a truck full of picnic baskets. Here is another picture that is no longer on her Myspace profile.

Serve it up, Huddy. As my girl Tyra would say, you are....

FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEERCE. I'm scared of you!

And to cap off my total annoyance with Jennifer Hudson, it turns out her album is set to debut with over 200k copies sold. That's so ridiculous. We are in the middle of a recession. People would rather buy Jennifer's album than feed their kids and put gas in their cars? Whatinthebluefuck?

The album isn't even that good. I'm afraid to listen to it all the way through because it's so boring that it'll put me to sleep, but she's screaming so loud on it I might wake up deaf. She knows her audience though. The gay queens seem to love her. But go figure--she's a fat black woman who won an Oscar for singing in a musical, and her album is full of over the top ballads and anthems about hitting people with pocketbooks. Of course the gays love her. She could sing the alphabet and it would turn into a tranny anthem.

And speaking of her song, "Pocketbook." We all know big Jenny ain't carrying no pocketbooks. That's like Aretha Franklin rocking a two piece--take your pick between swimsuit or a meal at KFC, either way they would not provide enough for all of the woman that Aretha is. Big Huddy's the type of chick who carry's those extra large bags so if she stops to get something to eat, she can pack extras in her bag without being noticed. The song should be called "Hefty Bag."



Okay, let me get off this girl. That's the end of my Jenny rant.