I don't know what to call this....

Oh my gosh. I'm never drinking again... Or at least not for a very long time.

So during work yesterday a coworker of mine and I decided that we would go for margaritas once we got off. She invited one of her male friends who planned on meeting us there. We get there and her friend's there, but the bar was packed. So me and my coworker ended up sitting at different sides of the bar. She sat next to her friend, and I sat next to some guys who I met at the bar the day before when I had a couple of drinks on my lunch break.

They see my coworker, who happens to be extremely beautiful, [she actually looks EXACTLY like Superhead, except she can't fit a 2 liter Sprite bottle in her mouth, and the walls of her vagina are still intact--I'm assuming] and they assume that we are "together" and that she was "playing me to be with a white boy." [Her friend is actually half black.] So I'm sitting at the bar listening to these grown men--Ceasar, 34 and Pat, 33--go on talking and telling me about how they like hitting the bars and getting young fresh pussy and whatnot. I was extremely uncomfortable with the discussion and just kinda laughed [and drank] my way through the conversation. They were actually nice looking dudes... I don't know where that fits in with the story. I just felt like saying that. I was sitting next to Ceasar and I began questioning how much "young fresh pussy" he was getting because the alcohol made him particularly friendly. There's no need to continuously touch a dude's thigh and shit when you are speaking to him. HOWYOUDOOOING, Ceasar?!

Eventually my coworker and I started sending text messages across the bar and I briefed her on the committee of angry brothas who weren't digging her being so close with a man who appears to be of a different race. And just like I figured she would, she made a big dramatic scene and she and her friend started feeding each other. This made the angry brothas even more upset and my coworker's friend expressed his fear and asked me for my support in the event that they tried to jump him. Of course I resisted. No need in ALL of us getting our asses beat.

The night then got more entertaining as this older white guy comes to the bar with some of his old white guy friends. I paid him no mind at first, but he eventually began talking to Ceasar and Pat and his approach with them was...interesting to say the least. He started ordering drinks for them. And me being a man who will never miss an opportunity to get something free, I got in on the deal. I told this guy--Tony--that I was Ceasar and Pat's younger brother and the drinks quickly came to me. Then another black guy came in and Tony got HIM a drink. Then it hit me that this old man had a thing for young black guys.... So I milked that for all it was worth and got really friendly with him. The drinks kept flowing, and after some interesting conversation and a little too much touchy-feelyness for my liking I was druuuuuunk. I didn't even get a margarita, and that was the whole point of us going out in the first place! I thanked Tony for his generosity and let him know that I would be seeing him again soon.

I would just like to say that I was not in a gay club...

So my coworker and I eventually leave the bar and go riding around town where we had some very interesting conversation. For some reason, my drunk ass ended up telling her my life story and all kinds of shit that I can barely even remember now. I know I spent at least 10 minutes telling her how beautiful she is and how I've always been afraid to tell her because I didn't want her to think I was trying to hit on her... SMH. After riding for about an hour she dropped me off at my crib and then I started TEXTING her letting her know how much I love working with her and getting to know her. I capped it all off by randomly telling her that I am into guys......

OHMYGOSH.

I'm glad I couldn't see her face. Her response was "WOW, I never would have guessed." She was surprisingly cool about it. She's kinda crazy, so I hope I don't regret telling her that... Maybe I should have pointed out somewhere that she's about to be an AKA. I don't know how we got on the topic but I ended up telling her about the large percentage of Alphas at our school that grab their ankles on a regular basis, and I also helped her end the speculation about her roommate being a homosexual by confirming it for her. We had a text fest till about 4 in the morning. I am so embarrassed about it that I don't even want to go through my phone and see WTF I said to her. We saw each other day and just laughed about it.

So that's it. I am never drinking again--at least no more shots of Jack.