An Idea...

Earlier this summer I came up with the idea to write a book. This idea came after watching a rerun of Oprah where she talked about the experiences of the black gay male. Of course the show was centered around the typical "DL men having dirty disgusting butt sex with other dirt mcnasty men and spreading HIV to unsuspecting innocent black women."

Obviously I took issue with this because as a black gay male who doesn't "look" gay or wear my sexuality on my sleeve, shows like this pretty much put me in the category of the DL brotha. I've actually had people ask me why I "hide" my sexuality as if it's something I intentionally do. Bitch, I'm not wearing a "I like cock" sign on my forehead.

So I came up with the idea to write a book that gives a more realistic look at the black gay male experience...from what I've experienced. It's kind of a cautionary/tell-all/informational/educational/entertaining kind of thing. Think the gay version of Superhead without all the dick in the mouth action and no co/ghostwriter. I know plenty of guys who are in the same boat as myself. I know guys who fall into the stereotypical category of brothas as well. And it REALLY REALLY irks me the way black people act when it comes to homosexuality.

I'm really bad at procrastinating. I totally have the book outlined in my head, but I'm so bad about not writing anything down--as seen on this blog. And plus I'm kinda ignorant to the way the industry works with publishing and whatnot. I don't wanna get fucked in the ass by some company. Also, if my shit doesn't sell, I'm not ashamed to say I would be PISSED!!!!!!! I'm not letting all these golden thoughts go to waste. I want a best-seller list, dammit! And not one of those negro lists that can be found in the back of Ebony magazine. I want NY TIMES, baby!

But I'm going to try to make this my mini project to work on and hopefully I can keep myself applied.

*crosses fingers*

brief hag update..

So...just a quick update on my hag "situation."

First of all... I'm like almost embarrassed to say she is my HAG. Most gay guys who have "hags" are like raging queens...at least in my mind. So for me to say that this girl has hagged her way into my life is slightly uncomfortable/embarrassing.

Her psycho roommate finally believes I'm gay so he doesn't want to beat me up anymore. But NOW he thinks that she is trying to "turn me straight" with her vagina power. Go figure.

Lately she's been going on and on telling me about how once we go our separate ways to follow whatever path our educations/careers take us that I MUST help her out with her wedding and come look after her children and all this craziness. She's nuts.

I luhh my hag tho!

oooh no updates. what a surprise!!!

i'm so lazy!! well...actually i've been slightly busy, but i have much to write about. so i'll update this...soon!

....so I gots me a hag!

Alright, so I've been working this new job for a while and I've gotten to know a few of my coworkers. One in particular, who I've mentioned before--the Superhead lookalike--and I have been hanging out a lot lately. And as I've said, one night in random drunkenness I informed her that while she is beautiful, I did not want her to get the wrong impression about "us" because I had no interest in her because... I like the guys.

Ever since then we've been good buddies. But she's so funny. She's like totally fascinated with my sexuality and the way I present myself. She, like many, was under the impression that you had to be a feminine cross-dresser in size 14 pumps in order to be a homosexual. And if you didn't fit into that box, you must be one of the guys that Oprah has taught us to look out for--the DL brotha spreading AIDS to the black women. *sigh*

After she realized that I fell into neither of those categories, she's really been trying to figure me out. For some reason I think my gayness is a slight turn-on for her. Whatever the case is, we've been spending a ridiculous amount of time together since my coming out episode. Truth be told, we have a lot in common, and when she isn't talking about her favorite subject [herself], we have some pretty good discussions.

Because she is so pretty, she knows how to use her looks to her advantage. She easily manipulates the heterosexual male into doing whatever she wants. It's quite a sight to see. For the past few weeks she has been balancing about 4 guys. That number went down to 3 recently when one of her guy friends moved away to take a job where he will be making 92k a year (...shiiiiiiiiiiit. I started to do him myself.) The other 3 guys would be her roommate, who is like madly in love with her; her boyfriend, the only one of these guys she's actually having sex with; and this weird mulatto guy who just tricks off all his money on her and gets nothing in return. None of them know about each other! But they all know that we hang out so I think it's starting to raise suspicion in them.

So a couple of days ago when we got off work, we spend the rest of the day in random hag/fag bliss. First we hit up some new clothing store where she tried on clothes and I told her how bad she looked in all of it. Then went to her apartment where she showed me how psycho her roommate is. He apparently got upset because she wouldn't "talk" to him, so he broke his TV, and punched holes in the wall. Nutso. After that she decided we needed to go for a walk around the park because she had nobody to work out with.

We did that for a couple of hours, and as soon as we get ready to leave, we see her roommate driving by. He sees her with me and brings his car to a screeching halt. He backs up and nearly takes out a dog in the process.... After staring me down, my hag told him she was in the mood for Popeye's, so he told her he would get her some and he left us alone. We parted ways after I made a few WTF's about the whole thing. She says when she got home, her chicken was on her bed and he was nowhere to be found until he came home the next day...Now he thinks we are having sex. I told her to tell him I'm into guys, but he does not believe it because I "don't act like it."

The whole point in all of this is to say....WHY do we generalize EVERYTHING?!

9/11: Let Us Not Forget

Today marks the 7th anniversary of the tragedy we have come to know as 9/11. Let us not forget the millions of people who were affected by this disaster, and those who are still trying to recover and get their lives in order after this epic catastrophe.

Seven years ago today, one person completely changed the way we look at the world.


Seven years ago today, Mariah Carey, fresh off of a divorce with Tommy Motola and signing an $80 million contract with Virgin Records released a double dose of musical and cinema destruction with Glitter. Some of us are still dealing with the pain of those times.

Of course, this marked the beginning of the end (or so we thought) of Mariah's career, and music hasn't been the same since!

But somehow we must make it through the rain and not let the devastation of this time keep us down. Lets not dwell on the drama and negativity. No stress. No fights. We must leave all the drama behind and celebrate the good times!

And what is the best way to celebrate? Ice cream, of course. Let's look at rainbows and ride bicycles, and eat a gallon of cookies and cream!



THERAPY. ICE CREAM IS THERAPY!!!

And if you don't have any Ben and Jerry's around, just hop in the shower and sing about your heartache!



HAAAHT BREAKA YOU GOT THE BEST OF MEEEEEE!!!!

I love her declaration---"I'm a complete and total mess!" The statement was hilarious, but her tone was so depressing. I still feel bad for her.

But no matter how bad we feel for ourselves and Mariah, we can't let the hurt keep us from cuddling kitties and spreading sunshine and love throughout the land of unicorns and diamonds! Lets get drunk off rainbows and glitter!



And underneath all the stress and pressure, how do you handle the haters??????



...with POSITIVITY! YES!!

Happy 9/11, everybody!

Shoulda Let It Go....

Well this Tuesday, Fashion Rocks will air on CBS. As usual, this show is all about fashion, but everybody who showed up looked a mess. I wasn't going to comment on it until I saw these pictures of Keyshia Cole.

She came showing off off her new slimmed up body (which kinda makes her look like a ghetto bobblehead doll), but she didn't quite have the red carpet poses down.

Observe:

Charlie's Angel of the Hood?

Just shot a game-winning three pointer?

Asking her pimp for money?
Serving a Big Mac and fries?
Teasing her mother with a crack rock?

Somebody help this poor baby out.

I think I may hate people...

• Okay, because of the latest hurricane madness taking place in Louisiana, a lot of people from New Orleans have been flooding my city. And I am soooo ready for them all to leave. They are rude, loud, and obnoxious. And I hate the way they speak. UGH. It's like they don't know how to move their jaw and tongue or something. I felt bad for them the last time they were here, but this time they are just over the top. I don't wanna look out the window and see Mardi Gras in my front yard. GO AWAY.

• So it's no secret that I'm slightly racist. But I think I've officially crossed over into complete racist. At my job, there are so many people who come in and either speak terrible English, or they don't speak it at all. It's gotten to the point where I roll my eyes and get really annoyed as soon as I see someone who may even look like they are of another nationality. It's bad.

• In addition with New Orleaners, my city also seems to have a blooming lesbian population. I normally wouldn't care about it, but I swear these "women" are like straight up dudes. I'm afraid of them. I saw this person today and I looked at them for like 5 minutes trying to figure out if they were a really attractive dude, or a manly ass woman. It turned out to be the latter. I was hurt.

• Speaking of, I also can't stand to see dudes who look like women. A couple of days ago me and a coworker went out and we saw this person and we both were trying to figure out if it was a really ugly woman or a really ugly gay man who looked and dressed like a woman. It turned out to be the latter. It's worst when the guy is actually attractive though. About a month ago this guy came in to where I work inquiring about a job. From a distance he was BEAUTIFUL (for a dude). But then when I got a closer look at him, the hair that I thought was in some kind of thuggish ponytail turned out to be microbraids. I was so let down. He was really pretty though.

• I also hate white people with children. It's like they totally need to attend Funquisha's School for Parenting or something. I was out shopping for new movies recently, and there were these white parents with some BAD ASS kids. The boy's name was Jacob and the girl's name was Mary Katherine. I know this because I heard their names called about 50 times. They ran around the store knocking down movies off the shelves and running in the path of every person who attempted to make a step. I almost purposely knocked Mary Kat's ass over, but I was right by the security camera. But the highlight of this shopping experience came when Jacob--who had to be like at least 2 years old--walked to the front of the store and squats, and his mother follows and says "You better not be pooping in your diaper Jacob. Are you pooping?" And of course he says no. 3 minutes later the foulest smell entered my nose, and I dropped everything I had and left the store. That wouldn't have been the case with a black child...that's all I'm saying. Little JaCoby and Marikenia know better.

I guess it's no wonder I'm single and don't have too many people I consider real friends.... Oh well. Somebody out there will love me!

Brandy is back with the new video for her first single, "Right Here (Departed)" from her 5th album, Human.


First of all WTF is that growing out of her face?

The video is so...interesting. The first time I watched it I hated it (of course) but on the second viewing, I would go as far as saying it's almost...art! I have to give her record label major props. Ever since the single leaked, her label has really been in damage control mode in hopes of restoring B-Rocka's good girl image. This is the icing on the cake for me. A video of Brandy hugging random people on the street (and her new single just happens to be playing in the background). It's almost as genius as it is hilarious!!

In all seriousness though, if you watch this video without thinking about some of Brandy's recent publicized incidents then the video probably looks like a cheap clusterfuck of nothingness. But when taking into account she just got loads of press for causing someone's death in a traffic accident, it seems like the video is supposed to have some sort of deeper symbolic meeting, or at least I hope.

The scene where a woman is standing by an SUV crying was almost a bit too much, but it still made me laugh. Was she crying because she was afraid Brandy was on the road, or was she crying because of Brandy's past activities on the road? Either way, Brandy makes it all better with a hug and a kiss on the forehead. That's deep! I guess that was her way of apologizing for her part in the accident and kissing away that $50 million lawsuit the family of the victim filed against her.

Then there's like the main story in the video where she is talking to this guy on the street who looks sad [and unusually dusty] and he's just crying like a punk. My initial thought was "Why are you hugging this nigga? Tell him to man up and to stop acting like a queen and grow some nuts." But then I remembered that most of Brandy's fans are gay men, so they probably would take offense to that. So yes Brandy, hug the sissies!! Work that good PR, girl.

Really, I think the video is kinda sweet. The single has actually grown on me, so I'm now interested in hearing more from this project.

Does anyone else smell fish?

Has Ciara lost her damn mind? Check her out on the latest cover of VIBE Magazine.


WOW. I'm totally shocked.

First she came out declaring that her "goodies" were gonna stay in the jar (which I never believed in the first place), and now she's giving them out on a hot plate with tall a glass of blue Kool-Aid.

And in addition to that, the picture isn't even sexy. I think the reason they put her in heels is so she didn't TOTALLY look like a tranny in the shot. Her body is so pre-teen boyish. She has no breasts...and her arms are more defined than mine! But it's okay...cause shit, got more ass than her.

It's really sad that she is pulling the [blatant] sex me up card. It was kinda cute back when she seemed kinda slutty on the low, but this is too much. Not that I had much for her to begin with...but this takes away any kind of respect I did have for her. I am so disappointed.

There had been some recent stories from her camp that leaked saying she wanted to "be a supermodel" and that she is totally obsessed with how she looks and ranks next to stars like Beyonce. I had no problem believing those stories, but this really confirms it for me. Beyonce got em shook!!! They don't even know what to do with themselves.

This is the type of shit that makes me not want to support a person. I admit I like a lot of Ciara's songs, but this is the type of shit just makes me wanna slap-a-ho and drop her shit in the recycle bin (cause yall know I don't buy shit).

Funny enough... I just listened to her new single, "Go Girl" with T-Pain (which is actually kinda hot), and one of the lines in the songs says something about being a playboy bunny...go figure.

Sit down Ciara.

P.S.

I think I see your testicles hanging out.